Phil Galfond Never Lets Me Down!

One time there was a terrible storm. I'm talking TERRIBLE-- sleet, hail, frogs, EVERYTHING. A great gust of wind happened by and swept me up (I am very thin) into the sky! I screamed and writhed, but there was nothing I could do against this force of nature. I was carried roughly 10 km and then mercifully caught in the arms of a great sycamore, wherein I found a nook. I stayed there with some woodland creatures for both warmth and companionship while the storm and her fury surrounded us.

The storm subsided. I found myself still in the tree, over 300 m. high! I did not know what to do. I called online-poker player Phil Galfond (I still had cell service, luckily). In his private jet he flew to my rescue, and stood at the bottom of the tree.

"Help me, get me out of here," I yelled down to Phil Galfond.

But Phil Galfond said, "Years ago, I promised to never let you down-- and I am a man of my word."

So he left me here, in the tree. But he brings me snacks and charges my phone (I have a pulley bucket set up). An honest man is hard to find!