So, when I first started playing poker online on Full Tilt and getting involved in "twoplustwo" forums, everything was so confusing. Even though I'm really, REALLY smart, I couldn't win a dime to save my life. To make matters worse, all these poker players were so.... so... I don't know a beautiful word for it so I'm just going to say "douchey." (How base!) As a spiritual, philosophical, and poetic person, I often wondered how I could fit into this community?
Then, I began following the life and career of OMGClayAiken. One week (to the HOUR) after discovering OMGClayAiken, I saw the Face Of PhilGalfond on a 2 of clubs in a game on Full Tilt. I focused on the Face of PhilGalfond and things started changing for the better. I began winning money. LOTS. Every time I would feel low or confused, The Face Of PhilGalfond would appear, and give me wise and logical advice. Sometimes The Face would recite a sonnet, or even tell a knock-knock joke! hahahah. I love knock-knocks, and TheFace told me some goood ones.
Last night, after winning my first million (no big deal) I felt strangely empty. I covered myself in grape jelly and smeared my body all over the carpet. I looked at the carpet, hoping to see TheFace. All I saw was a sticky mess.
I cried myself to sleep. This morning when I uncomfortably awoke (there were fruit flies all over me), i looked in the mirror. There, instead of my ugly head, was TheFaceof PhilGalfond. He chuckled, and said "You've surely got yourself in a jam." He loves puns. He disappeared. I was confused, but invested all my money in Smuckers on a hunch. As of 4 pm today, I am a billionaire.
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