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TPG

TPG (The Phil Galfond)

TPG (The perfect guy)

TPG (The poker guru)

TPG (The perfect gate (as in running))

Feel free to add more as you think of them....

T....P....G.....

Another Haiku for TPG (The Phil Galfond)

A smile that can kill
Teeth as white as a snow fall
Blinded at one glance.

RUMOR MILL

I am a New Yorker. Today I went to my local grocery store and bought some necessities (plums, batteries, olive oil) the trip was relatively uneventful. I located my items, put them in my cart, and got in line. The person ahead of me was a tall dashing man. The tall dashing man had such an odd cart! Cases of smart water, boxes of south beach bars, "Veuve", and many bakery-fresh bagels.

I am very attractive and can usually seduce anyone, so I said in a charming manner, "What's up with all that weird stuff in your cart?"

The tall dashing man (heretofore referred to as TTDM) replied, "It's not for me, slamhog. It's for my boss. He is online poker sensation Phil Galfond."

! I nearly fainted! I dropped my jug of olive oil, mouth agape. I stuttered "I....f-f-f-f-f-ollow onnn-li-li-li-ne p-p-p-p oker. I l-l-l-l-l-ove P-"

TTDM: "Stop stuttering widebody."

I did. I stopped speaking altogether. I let TTDM pay and leave, I paid for my items (excepting of course the broken merchandise). I basked in the afterglow of this brush with Phil....

Does anyone know the identity of TTDM!? I am pretty sure he fell in love with me today.

Another Haiku for Phil

With such perfect calves
He jumps up to the heavens
And runs like the wind.

Haiku for Phil

A loving embrace
From the one and only phil
Is what I long for.

The Face of PhilGalfond

So, when I first started playing poker online on Full Tilt and getting involved in "twoplustwo" forums, everything was so confusing. Even though I'm really, REALLY smart, I couldn't win a dime to save my life. To make matters worse, all these poker players were so.... so... I don't know a beautiful word for it so I'm just going to say "douchey." (How base!) As a spiritual, philosophical, and poetic person, I often wondered how I could fit into this community?

Then, I began following the life and career of OMGClayAiken. One week (to the HOUR) after discovering OMGClayAiken, I saw the Face Of PhilGalfond on a 2 of clubs in a game on Full Tilt. I focused on the Face of PhilGalfond and things started changing for the better. I began winning money. LOTS. Every time I would feel low or confused, The Face Of PhilGalfond would appear, and give me wise and logical advice. Sometimes The Face would recite a sonnet, or even tell a knock-knock joke! hahahah. I love knock-knocks, and TheFace told me some goood ones.

Last night, after winning my first million (no big deal) I felt strangely empty. I covered myself in grape jelly and smeared my body all over the carpet. I looked at the carpet, hoping to see TheFace. All I saw was a sticky mess.

I cried myself to sleep. This morning when I uncomfortably awoke (there were fruit flies all over me), i looked in the mirror. There, instead of my ugly head, was TheFaceof PhilGalfond. He chuckled, and said "You've surely got yourself in a jam." He loves puns. He disappeared. I was confused, but invested all my money in Smuckers on a hunch. As of 4 pm today, I am a billionaire.

I heart Phil Galfond harder than you.

I heart phil galfond so much that if you could make my love for Phil into a deck of playing cards then you could take the ace of spades out of my love deck, and then take the love spade off of that love deck and that love spade would be so big that it could hold all the money won by highstakes poker players in one dollar bills and only be a 1/100th full. Also, my love spade would be so black that you could rub it on every white girl in the world and it would turn their skin so dark that you couldn't see them when you turn off the lights and it would only be barely smudged. Yes I heart Phil Galfond more (and harder) than you!

Phil Galfond Never Lets Me Down!

One time there was a terrible storm. I'm talking TERRIBLE-- sleet, hail, frogs, EVERYTHING. A great gust of wind happened by and swept me up (I am very thin) into the sky! I screamed and writhed, but there was nothing I could do against this force of nature. I was carried roughly 10 km and then mercifully caught in the arms of a great sycamore, wherein I found a nook. I stayed there with some woodland creatures for both warmth and companionship while the storm and her fury surrounded us.

The storm subsided. I found myself still in the tree, over 300 m. high! I did not know what to do. I called online-poker player Phil Galfond (I still had cell service, luckily). In his private jet he flew to my rescue, and stood at the bottom of the tree.

"Help me, get me out of here," I yelled down to Phil Galfond.

But Phil Galfond said, "Years ago, I promised to never let you down-- and I am a man of my word."

So he left me here, in the tree. But he brings me snacks and charges my phone (I have a pulley bucket set up). An honest man is hard to find!

Phil Galfond Tastes SO GOOD!

First, let it be known that I am a very well-known and respected food critic.

So, this one time i was at a really fancy french restaurant and I said I wanted the best thing on the menu. And then I was blind-folded by the garcon (i'm pretty sure that's what he called himself) and spoon fed the most delicious thing I have ever put to my mouth (including _____! ) I took on bite and my tongue began dissolving because tastebuds-- when confronted with perfection -- ascend to heaven. I had to stop eating, because I needed my tongue to ask the waiter a question. I briefly passed out from pleasure. When I awoke, and the blindfold was removed, I was being fanned by the garcon and a sommelier. I panted, "what.... was... that...perfection?"

There was a brief pause, a look exchanged,

"That was Le Phil Galfond."

~fin

Phil Galfond Is So Handsome

I read on TMZ.com that Brad Pitt has fallen into a deep depression after Angelina Jolie saw Phil Galfond on High Stakes Poker and starting obsessing over him. I heard they are naming their newest baby, a Solmalian, Phil "OMGClayAiken" Galfond Jolie-Pitt.

Phil Galfond is SO Nice.

I once saw him help a little old blind lady across the street, then stop to pick up a plastic bottle and take it to the recycling, and all on his way to volunteer at the local animal shelter. AH...phil. :-)

Phil Galfond Is So Strong

Once I saw him lift an airplane with one hand.